On raising boys
Followers of my blog have read my many stories about helping Matilda avoid being a girly girl … and failing. Interestingly, Mateo is also entranced by the world of princesses.
As I write, he is wearing a ballerina skirt over his clothes and is playing with an Ariel and Barbie doll. Who can blame him? He lives in a house full of dolls, tulle and sparkle. His idolizes his sister and thus wants to do what she does.
Don’t get me wrong. Wearing dresses is not his preference. He just likes to do it sometimes, especially when he wants to dance. And he plays with ”boy” toys just as much as he plays with “girl” toys. He loves trains, dinosoars, cars and trucks. He likes sports and is very active.
In short, he is what I wanted Matilda to be. He is open to both “boy” and “girl” toys and activities. At 20 months, Matilda knew that she was a girl, but Mateo seems to not know, or care. And I think its wonderful.
So why am I worried? I have this nagging feeling that its our job as parents to teach him that he is a boy and let him know what our society expects of him. Others clearly feel that way too. Well meaning people try to nicely explain to him that he needs to wear boy clothes, or that dolls are for girls. If someone said something like that to my daughter I would tear into them, but for my son, I keep quiet. I am conflicted.
The definition of what it means to be a girl or woman has changed dramatically since the 70s. But for boys and men, its basically the same. Will it ever be ok for boys to wear a dress out in public or to have a Barbie doll? Do we really need our children to be gender identified a such a young age? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Bah. He’s too young! Like any little sibling, he wants to be like his sister. She has so much fun with the barbies and the dress up, what little 2 year old wouldn’t want to mimic that fun? It’s natural especially when you have an older sister! I wouldn’t worry yet. If he wants to take a Barbie out in public, I don’t think anyone anyone would think twice unless you lived in the midwest or you’re an old man. Dresses in public may give you a few turning heads, but who cares, he’s 2! I would guess most people in this area wouldn’t even take notice. However, you’re the parent, and you can still force him to wear what you want him to wear. If you don’t want him to wear a dress, get him dressed first. If he throws a tantrum because his sister is wearing a dress, just tell him what you said above, ” Boys don’t wear dresses”. Then get him into the car, and soon he’ll forget. If he’s a little older and he asks why, tell him the truth: “It’s a double standard. Don’t like but need to teach.” If he still is into them and you feel like you’re limiting his freedom as he gets older, then go from there. I struggled “slightly” when I first sent my 20 month old boy to school with a pink sippy cup. But you know what… that’s what I had on hand, and that’s what I continue to bring. I’ll get him a blue cup when I get time, but until then, who cares? Most boys will care on their own soon enough. I wouldn’t fret over what the right thing to do is because he’s still young. When it becomes an issue that really needs addressing, then take it on, follow your heart (and make sure you understand your son’s true passions) and go from there. Remember, his sister is the “popular” one now. She’s older, has lots of friends come over, laughs, smiles and giggles at princesses, loves pink and has a blast in high heels. How enticing!!!! Let him be.
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